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Archive for June, 2011

After a divorce is settled and agreed upon child custody comes next, depending on the number of children you have, your current living condition and your income will determine who retains child custody between you and your spouse. Child custody and guardianship are legal terms which describe the relationship between a child and a parent within the legal realms. An example of this are the parent’s right/duty to take care of the child and his or her right to decide what is best in the child’s interest.

Different Kinds of Custody:

· Alternating type – this is the most common type of child custody where the child or children live with one parent for a few weeks, months or years and then lives with the other parent for the same amount of time. It is considered that the parent who at the time has custody of the child/children retains full authority and responsibility over them.

· Bird’s nest type – both parents agree that the child/children shall choose to stay in only either of their residence. The parent who lives in a different residence will be the one who will move back and forth for a certain period of time to where the child resides. This is the opposite of the alternating type of custody and it spares the child/children the burden of having to move back and forth between their parents.

· Joint type – both parents agrees to have legal and/or physical custody over the child/children.

· Sole – is a court settlement where only one parent may have physical and legal custody due to the unfitness of the other parent to carry the responsibility.

· Split type – if the couple has more than one child, then the full custodial responsibility falls on both parents. However, they will divide the children equally.

· Third-party type – a third person will become involved in this scenario (probably a grandparent or a relative) and the custody is granted over to this person as agreed by both of the child’s biological parents.

You must keep in mind that your children will get hurt emotionally in this permanent separation you and your spouse will have. But what will hurt them more than the separation is if you moved away physically and relocate to another city or province where reaching would be very tedious and difficult. So while your children are still young try to live close to them and call or visit them often, this way they won’t feel like you’ve abandoned them completely. Talk to your family lawyer to determine your rights and responsibilities to your kids.

The child has become an industry within the family court system. There is an array of professionals, e.g., parent coordinators, forensic evaluators, forensic psychologists, therapists, supervised visitation case managers, etc., whose sole income may result from court orders regarding the child. Ironically, many of these professionals are the ones who define the system that decides what is “in the best interest of the child” – a system plagued with false allegations of abuse and neglect by angry and vindictive parents; a system easily manipulated while these same professionals profit from the manipulation. And then there is the professional who simply wants the billable units the child provides and is not restricted by ethical or moral standards.

The family court is a “guilt-by-accusation” system. It is the responsibility of the accused to prove his or her innocence. Once an allegation is made to family court, the accused will be sent by the court to one or more of the professionals listed above. If findings of the investigative professional do not support the allegations, or in fact disprove the allegations beyond a doubt, the court most likely will do nothing to the parent who made the false allegations. This makes false allegations an effective tool for the vindictive parent even if he or she accomplished nothing more than placing a financial burden on the accused parent fighting for his or her child. By running the parent through a court system that costs thousands of dollars, this parent has achieved success.

Dana Ward-Addison stated in her article False Allegations and the Family Court that “Accusations or allegations are fast, and guaranteed to achieve the desired result.” She further notes how parents will “shop around until they find a therapist, a doctor, or some other professional who will support their claims.” I fell victim to a therapist who, for years, prodded my daughter for information, inserted documentation at the mother’s instruction, and billed the insurance I provided for thousands of dollars. I filed an ethics complaint with the therapist’s licensing board. It took more than a year before the ethics board heard the case, and then it sanctioned the therapist on four counts of unethical behavior. The question is: Why would a professional do something like that to a child? The answer is quite simple – greed. As, I have stated, the child has become an industry and like any industry, there are those determined to profit without regard for moral or ethical standards.

Some children have a very strong bond with the parent, which in itself may be the motivation to sever the relationship. The custodial parent receives child support and is not required to provide medical or dental insurance, regardless of his/her income. Once a child reaches a certain age, most courts will allow the child to decide with whom he/she wants to live. If the child chooses to live with the other parent, it results in reversal of financial obligations. In my case, my daughter has always favored her father. This made taking my daughter to a therapist who was willing to support the mother’s agenda not only an act of revenge but financially motivated, by both the mother and the therapist. A simple notation in the therapist’s documentation of messy hair led to an allegation of negligence in family court. However, with each period of separation caused by allegations from her mother (four to date), my child suffered the emotional pain associated with losing a parent. Because this emotional pain was brought on purposely, it is psychological child abuse. The fact that it was supported by a therapist made it a gross disregard of moral and ethical standards.

Where does the problem lie? As philosopher Eric Fromm defines, “There are those who want to have and those who want to be.” When you hold the responsibility for what’s “in the best interest of the child,” you need to ‘be’ a servant to the child’s best interest. You need to place the child’s interest first and foremost. Any professional aiding a parent in an attempt to sever the relationship between the child and parent is only working toward his or her own financial gain in order to ‘have.’ The majority of professionals who deal with children are dedicated to serving the child and do care about what is “in the best interest of the child.” However, there are those who see the profit in the child and the possibility of hundreds of billable hours and thousands of dollars.

Divorce is hardest on the child or children, and an experienced therapist can be beneficial in ensuring a child’s healthy and happy development. However, if a child is in therapy, the therapist should involve both parents, and any family therapist will tell you that. Be suspicious of the therapist who “only deals with the custodial parent” or if the therapy continues over an unusually long period of time. If that is the case, you need to investigate by obtaining a copy of the therapist’s notes. Simply make a request in writing and provide a copy of the divorce decree that states you have the right to all medical records. Ask another therapist to review the notes and get his or her opinion. I requested the opinion of several therapists I worked with at the time before I filed a complaint based on their recommendations. Most therapists agree the child should have right to love from both parents. The ones who don’t are the ones you need to be suspicious of.

If you find the need to file a complaint, I recommend obtaining a copy of your state’s Licensure and Regulations. You can write the complaint in your own words, or phone the complaint in to the licensing board; however, I recommend clarifying each ethical violation as defined by the state’s Licensure and Regulations. The web site Stop Bad Therapy provides contact information for each state, as well as some good advice. Therapists are licensed to practice by the state where they work; however, he or they may also be a member of associations such as the American Psychological Association and/or the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. You will want to file a complaint with these groups as well. If you feel you need professional help, contact a forensic investigator, who will review the notes and file the complaint accordingly.

You will have an opportunity to attend the ethics hearing. The recommendation is to hire an attorney; however, I represented myself and felt the board’s decision to sanction the therapist on four counts of unethical behavior was due to the passion expressed in my argument. I prepared an argument and then rehearsed daily. But don’t expect much to be done. From the complaint I filed, one of the four ethical sanctions the therapist received was placing personal interest above the child. The therapist was not fined or suspended and continues to work in Adkins, Texas.